FEELINGS
I am circumscribing a part of my vague feelings that followed as your thought
provided me a break from a tiresome reading. This is not intended to melt you
over a passionate articulation of my intense feelings, neither I believe your core is
malleable in the first place, rather more of it is an apologetic revelation the
relevance of which is subject to your own disposition on what is shared between
us, about which I know little. So without caring what you think, without caring
how you want things to move from here on, I am trying to clear the air off the
smoke so that you can see in case you have not been able to. If there is nothing in
your heart for me, its ok, that’s all fine. Again, this is not to influence your stand in
any way. Have no regret if, in the end, you happen to know that someone had a
fresh stream of affection seeking its conclusion in your convivial heart. You stand
vindicated of all moral compunctions for I know it’s never a fault of a flame.
You have always been friendly to me, but it is the eccentricity in your behavior
that led to figure out for its very reasons. This is something I have retained from
my mechanical engineering experience.If your sudden change in behavior is
normal and is a course that usually happens before an impending marriage and
you find it an annoying thing than sorry to unfold this ugly chapter (and u have my
ashirwaad too), either way it is highly unlikely that we are going to meetagain.But
if it is because of a disappointment that I could not give words to the sentiments u
had sensed long ago, or you waited long for me to do better so that you yourself
could initiate but I failed, or that u made a folly of being fond of such a stupid and
worthless boy that I am, than I deem this time when you are soon going to
separate from us forever fit to reveal that I loved you more than anything else in
the universe.
I mightn’t have been frequent in calling you but I fashioned your image out of my
imaginations every evening, Sometimes used to kiss (only on cheeks). I could
never put that straight to you because you considered me a good friend and so
did I behave. Also, I never wanted to shrink the latitude a person with a beautiful
heart like you must enjoy. There are so many parameters on which I felt tiny
before you and in the face of all those I could never expect anyone especially like
of you to like me who didn't like himself.
Still,it is not as much painstaking for you as it is for me after all it is an end of the
world I dreamt in which we were set to live together.Loosing someone for whom
you have immense warmth and concern is not easy. Be known that every single
moment I was with you I was humble in your respect.
So before time stretches the gap between us so much that mere a talk becomes a
formal obligation, before your worldly occupation dilutes the chemistry we once
had before the auspicious day when you will become some one’s.I, with utmost
honesty,tell you that every particle that I am composed of desires you. My every
longing emerged from you and submerged in you
I don’t want anything from you, you know me, have I ever? I am afraid and
embarrassed to write this to you. You should better choose to forget it as
nonsense than be bothered. But if u find some merit in this if u had a faintest of
feeling to be with me than please be acknowledged that I lovedyouvery much and
loosingyouissomething I am going to repent all my life and have no doubt while
whispering to yourself that weird boy who you were friendly with as you were
with anybody else , that worthless mischievous boy who blindly followed his
naïve interests, that boy who had a hard time ironing out his past wrinkles loved
you to the threshold of impossibilities.
